Drowning.

My Not So Secret Lives ending

2009-03-03T05:41:00.000-08:00

Today's the day.

I felt a sense of relieve when I accompanied Ellie to the clinic today.

On the way to the clinic, both of us were silent, still.

Ellie kept pressing the buttons on her phone, she must be feeling more nervous now.

The weird thing is, I was not nervous, instead, looking forward to the result, as it marks the answers to my own questions.

At the clinic, we had a different receptionist, she should be in her mid 30s.

She was very pleasant too, she led Ellie to the same room where she spoke to the counsellor.

I was waiting outside for her, now, i felt nervous for Ellie, my hands were sweating, and I couldn't sit still.

The 10mins wait seemed to be eternity, when Ellie came out of the room, she told me that the results were negative.

I was elated, but I saw the sorrow in Ellie's eyes.

E: It's negative, I don't have AIDS.

Me: That's great! Let's have dinner and announce this news to Cameron shall we?

E: No, he doesn't wish to see me. I wanna go home.

We took a bus home, I'd decided to send Ellie home as she'd need someone to support her.

On the way home, she still kept quiet, and I didn't know what to say either.

Somehow, I missed the old Ellie whom would always be talking and cracking jokes.

We sat beneath her block, Eleanor looked into my eyes, so deeply.

I knew she wanted to speak to me.

Me: babe, you have something to say? You can tell me, I'll always be here.

E: Although, it was negative, I cheated on Cameron, and lied to you. I had sex with him when I was with Cameron.

Me: Does Cameron know about this?

E: No, I don't wish to tell him either. I don't deserve him.

Me: You mean you don't wish to patch back things?

E: No, he loathes me. I'm cheap. Jesse, will you hate me? Since I lied to you..

Me: Of course not.

I gave Ellie a supportive hug, I've gotten my answers.

I'm not angry with her, but instead pity.

When I reached home, I called Trey and had a long chat.

Trey was very understanding, and supportive.

Although, he disliked her, he still told me to be with her, since she's my best friend.

The relationship of Eleanor and Cameron is a pity.

Maybe, Ellie had learnt a lesson, and lost someone dear due to her actions.

She'll always be the dear girl I love..

Get involved with Jesse and Trey today @ www.notsosecretlives.com

Give it t youuuu ;D

2008-09-07T02:17:00.000-07:00

Now playing - Rihanna; Take a bow

I'm back blogging (:
Thanks peeps;
<3<3<3
Birthday pressies; Let me recall ~
# Outing w Papa, Xian, Karen, Ben, Gibson, Didi (:
# Outing w Shijie, Gibson, Mao, Marcous, HanBin, Bert, Jordan (:
# Outing w Eileen, Jiaxun, Gary, Song Jun, Wei Si (:
# Forever 21 top
# Top shop button tee
# Guess white small wallet
# Guess white big wallet
# Forever 21 shade
# Forever 21 necklace
# Club Marc blue sandels
# Club Marc White heels
# Silver havianas
# Bobbi Brown foundation
# Dior Blusher
# Lots of loveeeeeeeeee (:

Okay, I might miss out some & i'm effin sorry.
alrightttt; Lessons later on ):
Wish me luck ~

Closed;

2008-08-31T22:58:00.001-07:00

Blogs are th roots of trouble. Therefore, it's closed. (:

It'll never be happy.

2008-08-31T09:07:00.000-07:00

I dont get why everything's happening this way.
Thank you daddy for celebrating w me tgt w ben, xian, didi, gibson, karen..
I love you guys x3
yes, more & more misunderstandings occurred.
Somehow, it just suck t be like this.
Why is it so, why is it that everything just came at th wrong time..
Th wrong people.. & those horribly coincidences.
Somehow.. Felt like I need a break badly..
Tears just cant help but fall.
Things after things, conflicts after conflicts..
It didnt seem like it's gonna stop.
I wanna find someone t talk to..
but, why does it seems so difficult.
Everytime I wanna utter somethin' it just.. seems t be a force stoping it.
Swallowing everything t myself.
Everything that I've blogged are very vague, no one's gonna know what happen unless asking.
But, it's just so difficult to share my burden.
It seems like theres no one suitable.

It's no longer a happy birthday..

2008-08-29T11:57:00.000-07:00

Now Playing -- Fall for you

Yea, it's no longer a happy birthday.. Realising how some friends can be like..
& how families gives up on youu.
Yes, I know its all reality.
I still appreciate those people who stood by me.. & those who wished me happy birthday..
I love you guys; you all still remember! ;D
Somehow, you'll get t know & realise who are those who you can really depend & confide on..
Yes, I'm still a child, without many knowledges.
I do agree, I grew up a lil more cunning but vulnerable to people whom I really like.
Apparently, I'd always get taken advantages of.
I swear I do appreciate people around me.
I love you mummy, I care alright.. (:
Alot of problems occuring. & I'm gonnaaaaa get rid of allllllllllll of it! :D

2008-08-22T10:07:00.000-07:00

ahahahahahahaha;
Just reached home <3
Started talking t denden; Limbeh.
Okay, today limbeh's post is so gonna be crude!
Limbeh's new name is Saleisha Tan. LOLOLOL.
The American Next Top model's name.
Okay, enough w those madness.
Went Hong Kong Cafe for my three-meals-a-day. ;X
Muah chee, maggie mee, lychee drink, Mango Ice Kachang. Super filling. x(
Today watched Meet Dave, fucking funny okay.
"I'm gonna fetch you the moon" Awwwww, so sweet. ):
Okay, rate it 3½ out of 5 :D
Then went bunk to slack & zak saw my beloved papa <3 AHHH ! Misses *
Nothing much happened, went home after that ^^
Anyway, find the world so realistic.
Cause this guy that knew me years ago when I still look like a big fat, tanned, fugly girl whom actually bad mouthed about my looks; came to add me in friendster.
That's pretty shocking.
I doubt he know that was that fugly girl!
Anyway, had a great laugh LOL (:
PICTURES !

W Mardy! :D

@ Th Cafe

Cam whored

2008-08-18T10:40:00.001-07:00

Somehow, just dont feel like sleeping; 1;40am.
Just finished pure biology.
Only covered half the chapter, hence continue-ing tomorrow.
well, today's quite a disappointing day..
Ben, I'm utterly disappointed.
Even those effort t help you confirming th attendance, you don't even wanna make some effort
t find people & conduct that stupid run.
Just going mia & what excuse are you gonna use th next time rd?
Helping you time after time, siding you time after time. You still never change..
Well, leopard doesn't change its spots & this is what you're like.
Doesn't appreciate never mind, but why cant you just do what you should do.
making everyone so pissed off, withdrawing from it. I guess that's what you wanted yea?
After that, went home.. & bought some stuffs t cheer myself up. & therefore promised myself the diet plan..
Fruits, mineral water, & non oily food.
x fast food
x fried food
& plenty of exercise.
F. people t go gym w me during Wednesdays & Thursdays! ):
Alright, friends please help!

Oh ya, kinda came up w this wish list for birthday w Gibson ;x
Th thought of it makes me excited! xP
#New wallet
#NUM bag
#Faint pink havianas
#Shades; black
#Jacket/Hoodie
#Top shop pink/purple wooden sandal
#New tops; forever 21, top shop

Okay, I'm not being greedy hor! ;X
Goodnight, try to fall asleep ):

2008-08-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

" Somehow, it sucks to see you leading on fine. "
yea, very selfish of me. (:
Don't know what's w me.. Getting so emotional over everything.
I really love you guys, the care & concerns, & really apologise for all those unreasonable times.
The scolding, venting of anger.. I'm just so sorry.
Somehow, I get so stressed up, emotional & irritated. Just, without a reason.
It's scaring me.. & everyday I just need less than 4 hours of sleep..
I feel like I'm breaking apart for everything.
Mentally, physically.
I wanna do my best, & prove those who didn't believed wrong.
Yes, I did. My achievements, & now more of it.
Suddenly, felt so lost.. & somehow..
I don't know what I should do.. Other than studying, studying...
& more studying...
Don't break down, stop throwing your temper. You're not a princess.
You are just someone who needs to learn how to handle your stress.
It seems like those people whom I hate are like... a mirror of me..
Hence, having the same destest-ful personality..
Gosh, what's happening..
I'm lost. Help me please.

STUDDDYYY!

2008-08-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

Mood; Tired.
Helloo there!
Aye, I sure do miss you peeps a lot ];
Today is exams week which is apparently...
killing me. I'll be so dead luh.
But at least, I studied (:
Sleep at like 3am almost everyday.
& caffine's th only thing keeping me wide awake thruout th exams.
My face, is a disaster once again. *claps*
Then, felt irritated super easily.
Come to think of it, somehow I do love to disturb people dont I?
For instance, I was like, "Can you just shut up?" to th girl infront of me in th que.
Fucking noisy luh, shouting across. Your house ah?
Then mard was looking at me, then look at her *rolls eyes*.
Hahh! We're sure bitch.
Then.. went to Grand Park Hotel or something like that to study.
At first, th feeling was nice, classy & a lil romantic theme.
Then, after hours of camping in th room, it was just normal.
Yea, nice view.. Bath tub.. But normal luh.
It's a five star, but it seems four to me..
Never mind, anyway. I studied like MAD! & you know what, the air condition is like effin cold.
Can't understand what are those people thinking.
Oh ya, mummy brought some bigbig shirts for me t wear.
Then, asked me t accompany her down to CITY HALL w that.
Gosh, so unglam. But guess what? I dont careeeee. x)
Okies; received presents when I've reached home.
Maple syrup & Vanilla fudge from dad!
& It's from Canada! ;D
I love you daddy <3

#1; My companions infront of my 22" desktop
#2; Pressies!
#3; This is th result of intensive study. x[

2008-08-11T07:14:00.000-07:00

;Tired
Now playing -- Kidnap my heart

Study Study Study week!
Time passes so fast; Birthday coming soon..
Who wanna celebrate w me?
heh, same old people.. must be.
suddenly felt empty; though contented (:
He's not acting like himself; I'm lost.
But for now, I have to concentrate on these stupid exams first.
Went bonkers days ago; things aren't acting right.
Some nicotine please.
Spoke t a lot of people; & I'm really sorry if I'd said anything harsh.
anw, today went studying at cathay;
Mango Passion Fruit :D
After that went t movies w hanxiang, tou etc.
LOVE GURU !
cute movie, w stupid stunts. x)
Oh ya, trailer on bunny house or somethin like that; okay that movie is bimbo enough; its a must watch!
Quotes for the day
-- "This isn't a brothel",
"Oh, I'm not looking for a soup here"

-- " This is a present for you but make sure you return it to me tomorrow. "

2008-08-10T04:40:00.001-07:00

" It's hard to be like you, I dont understand how can you entertain so many people. "
I don't want it to be like this either.
I.. just want a break from every single thing.
I want time for myself, doing what I wanna do.
Fuck that popularity, fuck that guys texting you.
fuck those words that you-thought-you're-happy-after-listening.
I just want friends..
I dont wanna make use of people.
I just..
I dont know, I'm just tired.
I don't wanna lose anyone of you.
I don't wish to hurt anyone of you either.
I'm just a lousy bitch.
What's with that two phones? What's with that having someone to keep you accompany 24/7
Do you feel fucking proud? You're just fucking plain stupid shihan.
Wake up from your fucking stupid idea.
You aren't pretty, you aren't good.
You just want to be the best. But how did you achieve it?
Fucking through schemings.
Fuck, I had enough of myself.
Enough, sick and tired.

I just.. want some peace of my own.
I dont want all those attention. Give me some space to breathe.
please..

;

2008-08-06T02:53:00.000-07:00

people are complaining asking me to update my blog;
alright I shall update now ;x
Skipped school like crazy for the past week.
A lil' lost and confused.
But dont worry, I'm back, knowing what I want.
& what to do. (:
Did a lot of thinking; alot.

Peiwei;
I can never forget those times where you played with my lashes,
stroked my hair & smellin' it asking me what brand shampoo it was.
Those times where you look into my eyes, tellin' me how much you loved me.
& I can never forget what happened. I can remember exactly what you said & did that day.
I'll remember it & the rest of my life.
I can never expect you to say what you'd said..
All those selfish words from you.
How heartless can you be?
Sometimes, I asked myself.. Is this the peiwei I knew?
Is this that guy whom I'd once loved the most?
3 months had past.. I hope you're fine.
I do miss you but I'd let go.
Promised to be strong, to let go.
The last time I'd told someone about us, I haven't shed a single tear.
I'm proud of myself. You're a memory.
You're just someone who I'd met & walked past.
You aren't someone important. Not anymore..

Daddy;
I'm so sorry for not being able to understand what you'd did..
Sorry for all those unreasonable times, I'm selfish I know..
I'm sorry for not knowing your miseries.
Those things that you'd went through & those words from my mouth.
Those cruel stuffs. I'm sorry daddy.
I promise to do you and mummy proud. Trust me.
There will be changes in my life.
I promise. & I wouldn't let you down..
I love you daddy.

Boy;
I'm sorry if I'd said anything or do anything.
I just know I wanna keep you..
& I don't wanna lose you.
You know.. I can't bear to.
I want you to stay by me. Like how you used to and.. forever.
I'm sorry. At least give me a chance to explain myself will you?
I love you & I wanna keep you as a friend.
Please.. Don't be like this..

Sunday;

2008-07-27T07:38:00.000-07:00

Nothing much happened. ):
Met hanxiang to bunk.
& had the all Ice Lightning zak;
aye, died together with hanxiang, didnt manage to really really down it.
Baby came to find me & gave me bad taste bear! (:
Aye, so sweet..
Then, went home.. Cause really nothing better to do there ;x
Alright, some pictures (:
Valentine bear <3

Prom Night (:

2008-07-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

Mood; Laughing & Laughing.
Now playing -- Party People; Nelly ft Fergie (:
Saturdayyyyyyyyyyy;
Uber unlucky day thou, was fun.
Shall skip th unlucky part.
Went parklane for pool & made a hell out of myself.
Was laughing & laughing. Fouls wereeeee spotted every minute.
Then, movies at cathy, Prom night.
Aye, I shouted th loudest in th theatre. Everyone looked at me. LOL
After that, train to bedok & on our way there...
Laughterrrrrrrrrrs & I realised I'm soooooo talented. ;X
I can speak in the Man way.. The high pitched way.. The kid way.. The bitch way... etcetc.
haha (: Then walked my way to Cf.
met them, crapped, smoked.. Then cabbed to bedok inter.
Supper w mummy and home (:
She's naggginggg me t sleep & I just plugged in my ear piece.
Her mouth kept moving & I couldnt bear but laugh!
Then, I told her I could do baby freeze which apparently she can't believe that her fat daughter could actually do it.
I did it, & I sat down there pointing at her & laughed my ass off. LOL

-- I didnt know why he is ignoring me, maybe.. I'm really irritating him.
Or was it because he didn't wanna lead it to other things.
because, he wanted us to stop just here..
Suddenly, I felt as if.. there's a ocean between us.
Things are no longer the same. I used to be close to you..
Thou, nobody knows & we'd never admit before. We just know.. Sigh.

New msn nick --
BENDAN IS HANDSOME LA DEY! DONT ASK ME HONGKAN T.T says:
Short converstion with bendan & that's what he wrote.

2008-07-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

Smellly (:

Mood -- Shag;

Now Playing -- Big girls dont cry.

I shall let th pictures do th talking. fucking shag. ):

(:

2008-07-24T00:58:00.000-07:00

Mood; Calm
Now Playing -- Big Girls don't cry; Fergie.

Aye, Skipped bloggin'
Nothing much happened.
Lets start from this week.
Monday; Nuaaa-ed at home.
I'm plain lazy, then went to bunk..
& saw mushmoms spawning.. Eewww;
Hanxiang was entertaining me th whole time (:
Our weekly routineeeee. Smoke, ht (:
Before ht, Mao, Marcus, Bert, Jordan, Josh, Bendan, & an ass-hole was there.
Anyway, dinner with Mao, Marcus, Bert & Jordan was fun.
Thou, got bullied AGAIN.
& Jordan's my " New friend ". =P
Then... let Mindy do my job =X
Lazy bumm (:
After that, talked to bf and talk and talk. lol. Plain boringggggg;
Cabbed home w hanxiang and hao..
Spoke bout quite alot of stuffs..
I'll never forget you alright.. Take care (: <3
Tuesday;
Went to school & then met Gibson after his school.
Waited for me below my block. Aye, how sweet =X
movies with Gibson (:
Dark Knight, was a total goreee movie.
Went body shop and spent like crazy again..
Head home and started singing and singing..
Couldn't reach that stupid note. ):
Gibson started laughing & laughing. =x
Reached home.. Tv... & STUDY!
Till 1.30am as usual. Sucha good girl (:
Wednesday;
Didn't go to school. =X
Okay plainnn lazy-ness again =P
Slept till 1 +..
Went to farm.... & play around.
Aye, nothing better to do.. Gibson ended school and came to find me after that.
Waited for me under my block, ayeeeeee. How sweet x)
Went for lunch... Then met Cassy (:
Cassssssy, Miss you lots ;D
Went to her condo.. Saw her adorable Lexus, he seems to be attracted to me!
We sat and.. chatted & chatted.. (:
Every lil thing...
Then at night, reached home.. & Gibson called.
Talked bout how we knew each other..
Talked bout how everything started.
That particular cute message; " Thanks Dude! "
& it drove me laughing like madddddddddd!
Okay.. Was kinda emoo; listening to emo songs...
Went to bed at 1;30am.
Thursday;
School;
Work;
Nothing much (:
Slept ........
Woke up after that then started talking & chatting.. =)
Blogger cut off my previous post. ):
New post. Aye, lazy.

Baby;
I do care, I'm sorry for neglecting. Promised to share some of my time with you yeah? (:
Smile for me, cheer up <3

-;

2008-07-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

Mood; lousy.

Aye, dont know whats wrong with me..
Feeling crapping today. A slightest mistake irritates me.
School's tomorrow, gosh. I'll diee.
Packed schedule.. Lazy han.
Wed stayed at home after my extra lessons which ended at.. 5?
Aye, uber tired; feel that shagness within. Sucks.
Reached home, listened to her naggggs. =/
Thurs, went JJC a couple of hunks, quite boring.. Then, went home after that too.
Shagness once again;
Friday, finally a day with life =x
Went out at 5. cause Gibson was... a lil late..
Then, rushed to bunk for my ht, & Necked.
Thou, a lil .. pissed off with some people's comments but well, I shall not care (:
wanted to watch movie & decided not to.. Went bk, had burgers which seriously I feel so disgusted upon mentioned.
Mummy came fetching me home with hanxiang; they two cant stop bad mouthing me ):
Hanxiang; stop with your deep throat thing =/
Saturday; was a great day, went out w baby, shopped around with numeral tops; Okay, I'm like uber broke now..
Bugis changed just so much; baby is forever there for me.
I felt so loved.. Then, watched the strangers. Okay, stupid movie =x
Walked around and went t meet them afterwards.
hanxiang reached laterr & we went t macs for dinner..
Mummy came to fetch me again; loveeeeeee <3 me.
Then stupid hanxiang brought her to eat Nasi Lemak w/o me =[
CAUSE IM LIKE UBER FULL!
reached home, chatted w lun.. Then slept.
Today, whole day stayed at home; stupid lazy =[
& I realised my sweetheart could actually beat box aye... <3
Th crazy lil girl :D

Bad day.

2008-07-08T09:03:00.001-07:00

#1; Train
#2; What the "make love"
#3; Amanda ~ Don't shy.
#4; Goody girl (:
#5; <3Now playing -- Mandy Moore; Cry

It's a really bad day. I'm sorry people. Sorry..
Disappointed in myself; did tons of reflections.
Yes, why get so depressed because of minor stuffs? It's just a failed ht run.
but, I still feel bad. Feel like a burden..
Anw, didn't manage to get my pay at Guess; well, I guess it's my fault..
School was boring as usual; Slept.

Today, received several bad news. Got commented to be a liar.
Alright, dont believe me, ima liar.
Fuckers.
They're together already.. All th best. (:
Han, doesn't deserved to be loved. She isn't worth.
Alright, take care, I shall continue my night studies. <3

Sundayyyyyy ~

2008-07-06T05:16:00.000-07:00

Woke up several time before 13;47pmReceived a text from Jy.
Alright, he scare me I thought he didn't wanna come ):
Got up & prepare.. Gosh, I felt like something just hit me hard on my back.
Then, after that went out t meet him.
Okay, I'm sorry t be late x(
& Un-surprisingly, I took a cab there since I was late "Accidentally" -- From Mr Junyuan ):
Then, met him, had our lunch which isn't very appealling.
Anyway, went walking around & Lazy bum kept complaining that he wanna sit down...
Lazy bum was just too lazy to walk =X
Then, went for a smoke & bought a new pair of shoeeeees (:
Okay, I know I'm spending again, but it's a pair of very pretty shoes for god sake!
Rushed up t th cinema upon buying some popcorns & Drinks (: Wanted ;
A lil ... out of point, though I still really love it.
It's a show which includes alot of schemes & thinking.
those trainings in it was unbearable, but they really do train out elites (:
"It's a decoy mother fucker" (:

Pics of th day; The silly lil contented girl <3

<3

2008-07-05T10:45:00.000-07:00

Wow, I've skipped blogging again.

Friday was a uber tiring day. Surprisingly, I didn't sleep at alllll in school.

Gosh, so proud of myself ~

After that met Shadow & went to find bf together (:

Went to town, took my pay which was .... SO SUPER LITTLE.

Then, went walking around.. & then movie at night.

Today, woke up at 11..

Went to Changi for lunch and east coast for some cycling.

Tired but fun (:

Sweaty us wanted to go for a movie but apparently, didn't manage to catch any.. =[

Head home since Im like so super tired..

Picturesss (: -- Super shag face ~

:D

2008-07-02T03:08:00.000-07:00

:D :(

2008-07-02T00:57:00.000-07:00

Ht yesterday was a success (:
Thanks everyone althou its a very messy run. :(
Anyway, I'm very shagged. I shall post pics later which I'd took earlier in classss.
Because I WAS SO BORED D:

Sigh.

2008-06-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

A uber busy day.
Woke up late early in the morning, realised it was 6;48 already, rushed for my clothes and washed up..
It was already a bad start. Went school for lessons, trying hard to keep myself awake.
Well, I did try, & there's improvement. Nevertheless, I still slept.
Rushed home at 2, bathed and stuff then rush out to meet Gibson.
Hope everything's fine. (: Really hope so. Don't hurt yourself alright.
Received countless sms-es, god give me some time..
Didn't have enough time to study, spent my time today settling my stuffs.
& explaining..
Not really in the mood, plus I'm feeling sleepy alr.

Denver;
Sorry.. Can't be there for you, & kinda neglected you.
Don't be too stressed out. Everything'll be fine.
Just, cheer up. I haven't seen you this moody before.
Hope you'll feel better tomorrow.

Gibson;
Boy, thanks for everything once again.
Remember to have your meals & not to stay out too late at night alright. (:

P.s " you're just so busy with every other thing and people, you just don't have time for yourself " -- Mum.

Will you stay?

2008-06-28T21:29:00.000-07:00

I just want you to remain like this. I'll do anything.
Just be there, you're someone whom I know will always be there.
Every moment I shouts "Gibson!" you'll reply..
Everytime I calls you, you'll pick up.
If you doesn't I'll call & call & call.
You're the one who will keep me accompany every time after time.
Out, shopping, bunk, movies. Everything.
You're already a part of me. I knew this would happen.
Maybe, it's my fault. But all that doesn't matter.
I just want you to stay here. Be the one whom will assure me that he's there..
Be the one, whom I can trust and confide in everything.
Don't leave just like that. If you want, I'll stop all my nonsense.
Just stay there will you.
Don't leave like how peiwei did. This is hurting..
Please, dont just leave me like that.
Suddenly, everyone makes me think how vulnerable friendships are.
I am helpless, I can't do anything, the only thing I can do is to wait.
& to hope for you to be back by my side.
Weiting, if that's what you want go ahead. Don't backstab me as I do it infront of you.
C'mon, wake up your idea. Don't have to come to my blog to spamm in the chatbox.
Well, if it's not you, I guess it's someone else. Lol, fancy calling me fat when you're the old fat whore. Well that sentence doesn't refer to anyone, it's just for "someone" (:
Oops

haha; hehe; hoho

2008-06-27T10:52:00.000-07:00

Mood; GREAT!
Alright, I've got no idea whyyyyyyyyyyyy am I like so happy.
Studied for 2 hours last night! *Prouds*
School was... Tiring, bored, short.
Well, did nothing much, sleep, lessons. SLEEP (:
Then, rushed back home after lunch w winz and qif.
Well, not really lunch, just ice cream =x
After that, headed home and rest. Gosh, I felt like sleeping and sleeping.
& Never wakee up! ):
Okay, I know I'ma lazy bumm!
Then, slept till 4+ gotta wake up cause Gib's reaching =(
Alright, bathe, washed up and stuffs.
Met Gib at mrt at.. 5.50pm =x
So called jy to tell him that I'll be late.
He told me that he'll be late too. LOL
that noob =x
Anyway, train all th way to douby, met jy. went to buy my pearly soya milk =x
bunk, ht hththt ~ Anyway, at the start of the HT some fat ass scolded me.
Haha, too bad. I'm too nice to scold her back =X
Then, htht ~ caused a death to someone due to my carelessness.
Anyway, he's kind enough to tell me: " nvm =) "
Awwww, heart melts* =X
After ht, hanx scrolled finish my overall, god. I LOVEHIM :D
Then, ahma ~ went to eat and then went home.
Was like uber shag.............
Posting some pics! The lab me, the shag me. =(
Nights all! Lights out*
P.s I realised I cant multi task =[
LOVELOVELOVE denden x3

-

2008-06-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

Aye, whats wrong w me today.
kinda.. sad
bored.
Gibby didnt meet me today. A lil disappointed.
Well, Winz said I looked sad, as if I'm gonna cry..
ha, I dont know why either.
Mixed, confused feelings.
Maybe, this is what I get.. upon doing some stuffs.
Aye, I just feel insecure.
I don't like to share.. well, human beings..
My guy, my closest friend.. whatever.
I just hate to share. I'll feel so uber jealous.
Sorry if I'm like super emo tday.
but.. No idea. Maybe if you guys keep me accompany more I'll feel better?
Good night, gonna study. (:

Headache

2008-06-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

Guys, finally a new out look for my blog.
Finally.. I've got something to do.
To settle down. School was sucky.
Slept for 6 hours, study for 1 =x
Alright, trying hard. At least I refrained from sleeping. haha.
Shan't talk much. Just post some pics :D

story for the pics;
Once upon a time, han was falling asleep in class as it was the first day of school,
then her friend invited her for lunch at pizza hut!
She went pizza hut with her friends, singing along her way..
When she reached, she was soooooo enthu & took some pictures!
Upon receiving her meal, she ateeeee as if she haven't been eating for years.
Then, the clean pans and bowls..........
To be continued...
* Good night.
x33 Denver.

-

2008-06-23T07:59:00.000-07:00

When you realised.. How vulnerable every single relationship can be..
No matter what ever you do. Some relationship can never ever be the same again.
Because you'd given it up; in other words, you dont even bother in the first place.
You asked why am I always letting people taking advantages of me, getting bully..
Because that's give & take. I do gain from them, or that they're just so dear to me.
I did all that to keep them, because I understand how important is the presence of everyone.
Yes you're right. They don't deserve it.
I shouldn't shed tears for them. Frankly speaking, I cant help it.
I cant help to feel bad.
Maybe, you guys see me as a flirt.
See me as a total bitch. Well, I'd never denied that.
But once I really fall in love, it's really in love.
Dont make me do that.
I dont wanna.. be hurt once again.
Because, those feelings will be gone..
Very soon, or meybe. for some it doesnt matter at all.
Do you think peiwei cared? no, he'd never.
all those selfishness.. I'd just swallow it down.
Yes, sick of this life.
Sick of being too nice. To everyone. Whereby, people just tend to take me for granted.
Thanks for all those care and concerns. Dont be too nice, I dont wanna fall into it again.
Not for now.
You know, all along I've cared. All along, I've been wanting to support you.
Apparently, Im just someone.. unimportant.
To most of them, Im just someone like this.
Isnt it?

:D

2008-06-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

Alright, I haven't blogged really frequently nowadays ya?
Things are getting on fine. I really do miss mardy and winz ;(
hope everything's finee for you guys too! :D
Oh well, it's a lie saying that I've let go.
But buddies, dont worry. I'm really moving on.
Yes, I view her blog almost everyday. Well, she isnt that bad as Ive thought of.
Maybe, she really do suit him more.
Han, has to be single afterall.
I'm fine, but do understand if I get all emo just all of th sudden alright, because..
yea, those thoughts, I cant stop them.

Busy working, & training after that. aye, bored.

P.s , Sillyboy, I've add you, dont worry :D x3 loves.

;

2008-06-03T23:47:00.000-07:00

For this whole week I'd been doing super riduclous things.
Sleepless night, one worry.
Then, I realised. Everything can never go back how it used to be like.
It's all the past. You can never get it back.
Just move on, stop hoping that I'll be the same. It'll never be the same again.
Never.
I wanna go walk around, peacefully..
With a great friend, or maybe myself.
I dont expect anything more. I just wanna know truths.
I promise, I'll let go, and I really will.
Riduclous me, making mistakes at work..
Stupid me, ends up hurting myself.
Silly me, trying to do the impossible.
Sigh, what am I trying to do?
I've got absolutely no idea.
Confused, trying to tell myself, I'll be fine.. haha, stupid.
Thanks to my friends. I love em ;D
<3<3<3

--

2008-05-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

Rashes; suck dey.
Alright; nothing much today.
Just feel like blogging..
Just suddenly, these few days, I missed him like hell.
I've got seriously no idea, but.. I just missed him.
Today, was supposed to be out.
But aye, those effin' rashes.
Stayed at home the whole day, thanks to Gibson who accompanied me throughout. :D
I've been acting crazy, screaming on the phone, rolling on the bed.
Really really didn't have the mood to do anything.
I miss him.

Pei pei.. Where are you.
How have you been, are you alright?
Or are you with her.. Enjoying yourself..
I wanna know the truth just so much..
However, I dont wanna irritate you.
There's just a simple question for you.
I really wanna know if there's me.

I need someone, suitable.

Gotten rid of ; --

2008-05-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

My life was in a mess for the past month.
Everything came crashing down.
Peiwei, I'm finally leaving you for good sake & do really take care of yourself, and her..

17th April' 08
The day where you gave me a surprise call, the day where everything started..
18th April'08
You guys broke up..
19th April' 08 ~ 22nd April' 08
Those days where you gave me your support & accompany, the best moments.

I dont wanna go on what happened after that, I'll never forget; 22nd April'08.
Yes, Never will I forget.
Everything you did to me, everything you'd said.
Though, everything just started & ended so soon. On your impulse.
I do really love & enjoy those times with you.
I cant deny the fact that I still do miss him. However, it'll not affect my life anymore.
A clean break, finally.

Mummy, trying hard to earn back those trusts.
Trying hard.. To be the perfect daughter she wanted.

Friends, thanks to all whom'd gave me support throughout.
I love you guys. (:

Joe, be sure of your decisions my dear..
I don't want you to end up regretting.

Yes, I'm stupid at times, trying so hard to satisfy people, giving without taking.
But, well.. I dont expect any returns. Treat it as Im doing a favour for them. (:

Nonsense.

2008-05-16T03:40:00.000-07:00

Lol, today was a uber tiring day.
Oh yea, th previous post was after quarrelling with my mum.
& can't really get to sleep.. till near 3am.
Was on phone w Gibson, thanks dude! ;D
Cried, joked, crapped with him for 3 whole hours.
Mummy came back & I guess forgave me this morning (:
Alright, I didn't go t school luh. but SO?
;X
However, I went t th parliment house, hence reached school at errr, 1pm? LOL
Miss Zarina was like, "Shihan?! You wasn't late, were you? You just reached school?"
I smiled and nodded my head, ROFL ;D
Okay, th bus trip was.. fine. just crapped around w winz.
I seriously don't know whats wrong w my classmates, so noisy.
Aye, I can't stand childish acts anymore ;(
& We sat at th parliment hall, Someoneeee was sitting beside me & HE SERIOUSLY STINKS!
Okay, bitched around & head back t school.
After that, went Lot 1 for my breakfast + lunch + dinner, saw Garfield whom just pierced his ears. Tempted to squeezeeee his ears ;X
So cute luh he. Went home after myself buying alot alot alot of pens. heh ;D
Alright, reached home pooped & stuff.
After that went t her blog, aye. I can't be bothered anymore.
But why is she so contradicting? She wanna get out of this love triangel & she's calling him dear?
LOL, like STUPID.
Then, called me a slut?
I don't mind anyone calling me a slut but her.
I mean, what rights does she have to call me a slut?
Isn't she worse off? ;D
Aye, Makii eh? Laughs * Kid ;DD
Anw, can't be bothered, not gonna go out today, but keep my beloved granny accompany (:
<3

Put aside-

2008-05-15T08:24:00.000-07:00

From today onwards, I'm gonna do what I wanna do, and what I think I'm doing right.
Yes, I'm confused. I'm lost.
Mum's leaving to granny's place. Because of everything I'd said.
Since she'd already said, she won't be bothered by me anymore, fine.
Leave then, I'm too sick and tired of satisfying you.
I'm sure I'll be fine, alone, without all your rantings and naggings.
I don't know what I'm doing.. But I'm sure I'll be fine.
Yes, leave me, everyone leave. Just leave, since I'm near invisible to you guys.
I'm just gonna do finish what I'm supposed to do in school, find a job.
& promise myself to study well next term.
I'm sorry, but you'd always refused to listen to all the explanations & since,
the trust is no longer there, fine.
I'm just a big fat liar, who doesn't care about my family, and only care about my friends.
Yea, the tears that I'd cried isn't for you but for him.
Peiwei, you glad to see me like that?
You'd ruined me totally. I'm sure you must be laughing your ass off behind the screens.
I don't know what I'm doing.. I'm really confused.
Everything just came crashing down.
I feel like.. ending everything now.

Vanished -

2008-05-15T05:47:00.000-07:00

Utterly disappointed.
What's the point of lying and ends up apologising?
Ha, back to her yea? Be happy then (:
If you ever think, a girl like her, will suit you then go for it.
I don't care anymore, well, I'm utterly disappointed.
Can't believe that you could lie to evey single one.
Ha, how could we put our trust in you anymore?
Well, maybe they can.. but not me.. Not anymore.
Moving on..
Moving on well.. (:

Th love; cant be compared.

2008-05-06T06:08:00.001-07:00

I'd read her blog.. I guess you'd told her stuffs that hurt her.
Maybe as much as me.
I've got no idea what's going on on your mind.
I wanna know.. Tell me will you?
I won't pester you, really.
Alright? I'll leave you alone, I don't hate you, really.
I will never, ever hate you. You just meant so much.
I know the love for you will never fade, maybe her's too.
I'm not trying to compare. But I really feel so sorry that I'd been a burden.
I believe, those stuffs that she'd did, everything she'd sacrificed isn't lesser than me.
Hence, you felt guilty. I understand, promise, to tell me when times are better.
I won't rush you, neither will I force you. Okay? I loveyou.

Picking up.

2008-05-06T02:38:00.000-07:00

Woooo, pure Biology suck big timee.
& I'm so gonna flunk it, lol.
Slept for whole half & hour & among the essay part I did a short, maybe 6 sentence long paragragh? haaaaaaa, so gonna flunk. ;(
Mood's better, though I'd still cried.
Stop crying, it won't bring him back.
I'd shopped & 100 bucks gone. Listened to MAOMAO <3
Stopstopstopppp spending! if not im gonna die of starvation LOL.
Mummy said, " Eh, my daughter also not ugly what, he dont want you, I dont believe guys out there wouldnt want you! " Ha, thanks mum <33
That day I couldn't help it, was just so sad.. I'd told her not to speak, not to scold, not to make any comments, just advices.. & if can, pure listening.. I'd told her every single thing that had happened between us.. Wpw. that conversation lasts us for 2 hours.. Thanks for those ears from numeral friends. You guys were a great help..
Especially BENdan, feifei, MAOMAO, Irwin, Mardy, Gibson & Amandaaaaa.
Thanks guys! ^^ but seriously, sometimes I do find myself irritating thou, kept repeating, but that is girl's nature what! :(
Now that I felt better... Thanks for understanding & sorry for those effin' attitude.
Thanks for those encouraging words..
I guess, I would give him some time, for him to think of stuffs, and maybe make some decisions.
Give him some space to breathe too..
Every single thing I did reminds me of him. everysingle words I'd said reminds me of him too..
How I wish, that time would just stay there, with him, lying on my laps, sitting on the seaside, listening to his stories, and mine.. I felt real peace. & now that I'd realised I'd grown into a dependent, stubborn girl.. I need to change.
I shouldn't be that dependent, on family, friends, nor him.. I'll just add up to their burden, having them to worry bout me. Im so sorry guys.
Now that I feel better, I hope tomorrow will be a better day.. Not having myself to think, to bother..
Just trying to finish up all my papers. & do what I'd planned and thought of doing with him.
Well, now, I guess I have to do it alone..

Peiwei,
I'd changed your contact name because, I wouldn't remind myself of those memories with you.
Although, it was real short, time spent with you was great. Thanks for those times..
I guess I'll really leave you alone for a period. I'll always be there supporting, believe me please.
I love you, I really do. Don't let me be an extra burden to you.. I'm sorry for those emotional times, where I'd cried & spoke to you, so unreasonably. I know you're just trying to be fair to everyone, not being selfish, I know and I'm trying hard to understand.
Promise me never to hurt yourself. I'll be fine. <3

-

2008-05-05T07:20:00.001-07:00

I seriously miss him. <3

--

2008-05-02T22:47:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's happening.
Thurseday, reached home at around 11. Upon texting him up, we were seriously talking about our relationship for the very first time.
He feels guilty towards her. He wanna be alone and go ahead leading on his own life.
Without me, nor her.
I was confused, I didn't understand the reason. I tried lying to myself that everything'll be fine.
It'll just gonna be awhile, after a good night sleep it'll be fine..
Then I told him that I'll be sleeping, & we'll talk about that tomorrow face to face when we meets up. I went to find chen, pouring out my sorrows. I held back my tears upon him ensuring me for countless times that everything'll be fine.. "He's just unsure, go sleep & tomorrow will be fine."
I tried reading the texts of history in the notes. They all seemed like black bold line. I can't seemed to figure it out whats all that. Finally, I broke into tears, crying to myself.
Then alex called, for a moment, I thought I'm fine since I'm talking to him normally, & the ache wasn't there. Then chen called, I could still laugh to his joke. I really thought I was fine.
After hanging up, I light up a cigg and sat in the toilet, trying to figure out a reason & a solution.
I thought, "maybe he was just confused, their relationship was unstable & since, han was there showing him love and care, he thought he loved her."
Then, I tried to make myself to sleep, I turned & rowed. & did whatsoever that I could, for one hour.. I guess, I'm really tired, & finally fell asleep.
Friday was th worse day ever. Waking up at 8, skipped the paper since I'm sick & I seriously couldn't remember any single shit. I went to prepare and stuff, till near 10, I went out, to visit a doctor. The clinic was packed, & the nurses' are seriously. WOLS; slow! After near one hour of waiting, I consulted th doctor, had my medicine, & due to their negligence they had printed my Mc wrongly, & she asked me to wait again.
I sat down, texting chen, & finally after a bloody long ½ hour I finally got my Mc.
Then, went to take train all the way to bedok.
Ben actually asked me to call him upon reaching, but I didn't cause I got to know from chen that they reached home at around 6 in the morning. Didn't wanna disturb his sleep.
Since, chen ends his school at 12.30 I'd decided to wait for him. I reached bedok at around 12 then waited and waited. till around 1, Yongwei came and kept me accompany till Chen called.
Went to 56 to meet him, gosh, when he reached it's 2!
I was teasing him all the way, trying to hint how long he took.
Went to cf after that, slacked for awhile while waiting & I called him.
He was sleepy, he said he'll be coming down so I waited. & waited. Upon reaching, he met up with Gib & went to get their pay together.
Waited again, till around 6 then he came back.
I was glad to see him, but we didn't talk much.
He didn't really bother me. He was too busy with himself and his friend.
finally till around midnight, he was worse. He totally, treat me as if I'm invisible.
-
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-
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I didn't know what was wrong.
I wanted a talk with him. I asked him out, & we had a talk.
I kept asking him countless of questions, I kept forcing him to speak.
Finally he spoke.
He asked " will you respect my decision? will you believe if I say I only love myself? "
Then, " we shall be good friends alright? " I nodded my head. & started tearing.
However strong I was, I'm still vulnerable deep down.
Then I threw my temper, I didn't know why, I was so angry.
Not at him, but myself. Throughout the whole relationship, whenever I'm angry, I'll be angry with myself. I know that's not very like me. I didn't know why either.
I threw my phone upon the numeral calls made that seriously got up on my nerves.
I continue crying.. & crying. He went to pick my phone back, telling me not to cry.
Suddenly, I felt like I should just let him go since I'd promised to respect his desicions..
I wanted to take my phone from him, I gave him a smile to assure him that I'm fine, he knew I wasn't but how possible could I be fine?
I didn't care much, I went to cf and got my bag and just walk across the road, telling him that I'll go home alone. He didn't want. He said we'll be back together. I told him, I'm fine. I'm really fine.. I just wanna be alone. I didn't wanna cab home, I just wanna be alone. He asked me not to be like this, I told him I'll be fine, I'll go home after that. He didn't allowed me to. Then, I wanted to get my card & leave after that, I said I'll be at the bustop waiting for him, he was so worried.
He brought me over to get my card.
After getting my card, I called home & had a fucking big quarrel with that unreasonable woman. I don't bloody understand why can't she just bloody give me some space for my own.
I'm sick & tired of being the puppet of everyone, doing things for people around me, faking that stupid fucking smile & act like Im-So-Mean, & as if nothing bloody fucking hurts me.
For 3 whole year, I had been doing that & I only turn in to a few people when I'm seriously down. That's what I'd been doing. I'm so sick of it.
Upon the call, he hugged me and tell me we'll be fine. Telling me that.. we'll be together.

I'd just alt tabbed to Msn, his nick was no longer the same.

Peiwei, I think we shall be friends. I don't wanna see you like that, I don't wanna force you.
I know you don't wanna see me like that, I promise I'll be fine kay? Don't hurt yourself silly.
Don't worry about me, I'm a big girl. go ahead lead your own life & remember never to hurt yourself. I'm sorry to be unreasonable at times. I'm really fine, I'll let go.

2008-04-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, you wanna care bout her feelings.
But what about mine?
Yes, Ima strong girl, however, I'm still a girl.
Those stuffs that you'd told her, is just to kid her?
Have you ever realised, I've been tolerating.
Have you ever realised, I'm drowning all my misery to myself?
I wanna be th perfect girl for you. I'm sorry but I can't.
Suddenly, you're like a total stranger to me..
I don't know, I'm lost.
Yes, I should be understanding.
But, why can't you tell her the truth?
She have to face it sooner or later doesn't she?
She's still young, however it doesn't give her the reason to throw her temper around.
Having you to clear up those nonsense that she'd created.
Sigh.

Make it t public ^^

2008-04-27T08:41:00.000-07:00

I missed my boyf fuck.
tday I didn't get t see him. ;(
Boyf, you needa work tomorrow. & I fucking wanna see you.
Exams tomorrow, flunked.
I mugged eh, today. so... incredibly? Laughs*
Feelin' a lil empty.
I want him by my side.
& BEN stop disturbing me, I'm not angry.
Just irritated. zz -
Anyone t study w tomorrow? ;(
Doubt so.
Aye, I'm attached so? ;D
Some mfkers just have t be involved eh?
Com'on get a life& stop gettin' jealous bout' every single thing.
Ima relationship breaker? At least Im capable of it, but that doesnt meant that I did. ;)
Sorry eh, my conscious is clear, it's not gonna affect me fags.
Go to a library& get some english books for dummies t brush up your english before talking t me yea? I dont get a f- what you're tryin t get here.
Since your message isnt passed thru languages, jst shut up& go blame your mama for not giving you enough education.

LEEPEIWEI <3
LEEPEIWEI <3
LEEPEIWEI <3
LEEPEIWEI <3
LEEPEIWEI <3
LEEPEIWEI <3
He's mine, & all mine ;D

LOVE MY BIG SCREEN; IMA BITCH (:

My special boy (:

2008-04-23T01:35:00.000-07:00

I'm loved; IM LOVED!
hah, wanna shareee this w every single buddy of mine,
guys, I'm in loved ^^
Well, he's one special guy.
After all these stupid effin' shit I'd gone thru, I'd found him.
He's really really my one and only.
Sorry for those time I'd neglected you guys,
I didn't mean it. I'm just so busy w everything.
Guess what, I skipped blogging, chatting & every single thing cause almost every single day
I'd be talking to him, & study th shit out of me.
He's my motivation, he's my everything.
I love you, Lee Pei Wei.
I know this is a lil bit sudden, but well.
Those huge feelings and love in beneath just gushed out like no body's buisness.
22nd April, I'll never forget.
Let me believe in it once again.
After all the wrong choices, after all those tears and misery, you're here for me at last.
He is the one that would do every single silly & simple thing w me..
He is the one that would share every little nice things with me..
Although he isn't that prince charming every single girl would snatch with..
He's my everything..
Aye, han is so silly, so blindly in love.
cause I'd gave him my hands, believing that he'll lead me.
Okay, I'm gonna study again!
MUG!

LEEPEIWEI ; <3

OH MY GOD!

2008-04-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness, I'd been stopped blogging for like how many donkeaye-years =/
Sorry blog readers!
Let's start afresh, from today (:
Woke up early in th morning supposed t go school from some effin' extra lessons.
I'd TRIED! okay ):
Couldn't get up cause had vomited like a-piece-of-shit the previous night.
Eventually, woke up at around 11.20am.
Wanted Mac's breakfast but thought of what I'd vomitted last night, I guess it's not really a good choice ;X
Then went online did crap, quarrelled and at approx 1pm, started preparing to meet Mardy ^^
Mardy;
I'm sorry once again to be late ): One th way called my 'BF' and complained t him bout that stupid mother fucker who made me feel like fucking his mother just so fucking much ;X
Then saw Mardy waiting. Went t take train & Crapped along th way..
Reached City hall & went straight to Funan, had Ajisen for lunchhhh which is like so prawn-atic.
Went around for some desktops, found my HP Pavillion or however you spelt it.
Okay, decided on that & went looking around at VAIOS ):
After that we went walking around at Esplanade, Sigh, I missed those days.
SOMEONE ACCOMPANY ME THERE ONE DAY!
the super nice feeling, very relaxing& the whole atmosphere was just so simple..
Then, went Marina Sq which I shopped around like one bitch.
Went to Buy myself a new handphone pouch together w my waited-so-long pencil case.
Then, walked around & saw ink! & guess what? I saw that bag that I'd commented on NICE on a girl I'd saw previously, BOUGHT it! & walked around w it.. ha, guess what, I though it wasn't nice w my dress hence bought something t go w it since I've got a tights in my bag.
Bought this shirt & dressed myself up! (:
So much more casual luh. After that was kinda tired sooooo we went t take train t fareast.
Upon reaching fareast, I headed to ILT where things would be considered 'cheap', apparently, th accersorise are like so much more expensive than the clothes. Ranged from $15~$70.
Bought myself a niceeeee brancelet & went Osmose w mardy for her shorts, but apparently she didn't like it, was too flare. So walked around & buy myself a new belt, it's th last piece! (:
Was glad that I didn't spent much today. lesser than 200 bucks.
After that Mardy was kinda tired & went home hence I took bus to bunk t find my buddies!
saw HANXIANG! that asshole who didn't wanted t let us know when he came back.
stayed there till near 10+ & we went for our dinner at bugis which had took us near 15mins to walk & eventually reach. Had my dinner & after that crapped again.
Those funny scenes would be shared privately as it's kinda obsense. ;X
Mummy came t fetch me & hanx home.. & now I'm here bloggggggggging (:
It's 2;21am. I'm tired.
Good night guys (:

With love,
HAN <3

Understandings.

2008-04-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I'd learnt a lot today.
Facts & the reality.
Maybe I'd understand and know some of these facts long ago, however, just didn't wish to apply it into my life or maybe, chose not to let it affect.
Sometimes, being sturborn isn't the only way but you just gotta stick with your fate.
Like my family, my relationships. No point being sturborn girl, you gotta face it, it's your fate.
Nothing is gonna change it, you know you'd tried to make things better, your conscious is clear.
& Not everything is gonna go your way, like what you'd wanted or expected. Afterall, this world is made up of every single different individual.
Shihan used to be that complacent girl, or maybe still one. But she'd realised, no point getting angry and brood over things that didn't go her way cause, it's people's decisions, she'd no rights into interferring.
Yes, studying real hard, amazing eh? & I guess I'd find someone dear to me soon. real soon (:
I'm really not having enough sleep almost every single day.
Alot of my friends are very encouraging, always there w me.
I really thank you guys, nothing could ever replace those friendships. Although at times I might not show that I care, I do care just that I do not know how to express. Thanks guys (:

I'm contented. I believe that everything will have an ending sooner or later, & I wouldn't be always suffering right? (: Imma strong girl. Because I've got strong friends like you guys accompanying me ^^
Getting stressed over almost every single thing, well that's normal and thus dont worry! I'm fine, and I'll always be.

One&Only;
Thanks for those moments, those days you'd gave me. I'm really happy and contented.
I'm returning you to her, I know you felt bad. I don't wanna see you sad anymore.
Promise me to always smile, promise me to be always there. Yes I do miss you, I do still love you, so dearly. Make it one sided my dear. Don't allow your heart& soul floating. Be firm.
I believe you'll make it through with her. I'm sorry for those selfish thoughts, & unreasonable times. You'd taught me to be strong, to really grow up. Thank you.
I love you.

out.

2008-03-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

Nonsense. Stupid.
Can't I bloody have any stupid privacy of mine?
Why are people coming to spoil my mood every single day?
It's effin 11;15am. Giving me that stupid attitude at this hour? When you just fucking woke up?
It was bad enough yesterday night. Okay things are getting out of hand.
Why am I appearing like I'm so absolutely fine, when I'm seriously breaking down?
Because I don't wanna worry you.
& now every single thing I do, you wanna have a say in it.
Fucking let me make my own decisions will you? I'm a big girl already.
I need space of my own, let me breathe please.
I really need someone, & I have someone.
I know he won't be there forever, or maybe gone for very soon.
Yes I know & I'm aware of the consequences.
I don't care. I just wanna be.. depending on him.
I'm tearing, gosh, just what's wrong?
I need a break. learing everything here.
Can I?

2008-03-26T08:16:00.000-07:00

Bad, stressed. Ahh! I'm not coping, I'm not coping!
Okay, I'm startin to go to school on time... That's a great improvement isn't it? (:
Stressed... because I'm falling in people that I shouldn't be.
Han! he's attached.
I'm stressed because I'm seriously coping bad.
Why, I'm so jealous over everything..
Why, Am I so silly?
Why, everything seems like clashing down?
Ah! stupid. =(

Truth;

2008-03-21T11:27:00.000-07:00

Aye, I'm so sorry that I pon-ed blogging for these few days.
Guess what, I've got a new plan in class. Classmates! ALERT! Please keep me awake during every single lesson& avoid from disturbing me during language lessons. =x
I promise not to flunk anything next sem. PROMISED
Now that I'd realised some truth of most people.
Very good example, Jacky
CHEEHONGKIA! Why did I say that? Because he's seriously a fucked up person.
When he likes you, he'll be so super sweet, nice to you.
& when he realised you're attached, he'll change, TOTALLY.
Guess what, he actually scolded me because of some stupid minor problems.
Come on, it's just fucking money. Can't you wait?
& I'd realised.. somethings are just really not meant to be.
When you found out that he's the one who kept walking you through,
& part of your life. He'll leave you, just like what he did to me.
Yes agree, I do love him more. But can't you see I need you?
& all you could say is, " Han, thanks for being an encouraging friend throughout, I'd decided to go m'sia to find my ex gf when I'm done w my ns."
That's all you could say.
Again, han don't deserved to be loved.
Say I'm emo, funny, stupid or whatever. Because I agree myself.
I'm seriously silly.
Family.. is crap.
really crap. Some truths and thoughts arent meant to be disclosed.
But some facts, you gotta say& if you hide it to yourself, thinking that you could bear everything,
eventually you'll end up hurting each other.
Just to prevent some stupid quarrels.
& somethings are just too late to mend back & apologising isn't the best word.
You gotta admit your mistake. Look at yourself before humiliating.
Just one day, I'm gonna totally give up on you, just like her..
Soon, because my heart's beginning to die.
I used to hold you guys so dearly, really that close & trying to hold you guys back together.
No, I can't.
I'd thought to myself, was it very selfish of me to do it?
Made you both suffer just because of my selfish-ness.
I'm sorry.
I'm tired, of caring, persuading.
Just, get it all over and done with. I'm sick of it.
Nothing much happened. I'll be strong.
Supporting her, & not letting her down. I promise.

Sky Of Love

2008-03-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

I've got this sudden urge to post an review on Sky Of Love.
Gosh, Seriously rate it 5/5. Because I simply love romantic movies (:
Things are getting back on track, playing a fool again.
Ayeeee, where's him? I'm still finding (:

Sky of love is about how can one do for their beloved ones.
Yes, anything & everything, even if they themselves suffer.

Based on a cell-phone novel that moved 11 million people to tears, "Sky of Love" is a story about a regular girl's three stormy years in high school. While her friends are absorbed about their boyfriends, Mika is clueless about falling in love. She begins receiving phone calls from a boy she doesn't know and is gradually drawn to him. She finally meets him but their happy days soon pass as trouble is brewing on the horizon.

http://koizora-movie.jp/index.html

Aye, now that I'd watched the trailers again, tears starts to grow. =/
Someone, accompany me! xD

Break

2008-03-16T08:37:00.000-07:00

Gosh, I'm so sorry for neglecting you my dearest blog =x
Ayeeeeeee. Let's talk bout Fri-d-aee ;D
It was fun! Rushed to bunk and meet them, aye. Really missed them.
Went t MOS for my Breakfast + Lunch + dinner.
Pathetic eh?
Went to rush for zak & everything. Finally it's done w 30mins of delay.
New record! 35mins 12 man zak, proud of myself *wide big smile!
Went to chat & did our usual stuffs. hah.
After when we're done dragging & crapping it was about... 12am
Went to Cine for our supper. & I'm so full that I ordered Miranira & guess what
I'd completed the shrimps & clams & 3 bites of spagetthi. I left it down there.
More than half a bowl. WASTE OF FOOD!
I'm sorry luh. It wasn't that delicious either =x
We crapped again. AYE! I FORGOT TO TAKE PICTURES!
I should have taken picture of my 'boyfriend' in new urban male.
& he works there 24/7. =x
Wanna know who he is? Go shopping w me! (:
Okay, we fooled around and went up.
& OMFG. We saw Ben! Aye, that fella is still working there =x
We were teasing him while he's serving the customer. so cute~!
When we're done with the tix, we'd decided on a 2.40 am movie..
aye, damn late. It was 1.40am then (:
By the way, it's sky of love.
Very nice. Damn touching. I went in the cinema w contact lenses, eye liner, falses.
& I came out w non of them =/
It was around 2 hours 15mins. Effin' long.
But it's worth th money & time. Go catch it for people who loveeeeeee Romantic movie *smiles
After that we decided to just slack around & wait till 6.
Knew this guy he's quite sweet. quite nice.. & he wanted to send me home.. cause he didn't wanted me to wait till 6... How sweet? (:
Is han falling again? hmmmm ... =/
Okay, give me time. slowly =x
Anyway.. decided to cab home with hanxiang. we waited for 30mins.
Damn many people are waiting too. We were so shag when we were in cab.
Twin, I enjoy cabbing home with you, thanks for everything.
Please be careful when you're overseas kay, misses*

Okay, I kept thinking bout th movie th past days. It's DAMN NICE! Go and watch guys ;D
Loves.
Ty korkor for th accompanyx3MyOne&Only

We're done with.

2008-03-14T02:43:00.000-07:00

Aye, watched Step up 2, it was great with all th dance moove & special bboy technique.
Guys, I'm fine don't worry (:
Thankss to all x3
Had been restin' at home for th past days.
Now, a refreshed mind, a new me.
Th friends that I'd met are great. I love you guys (:
I'm really effin' hungry now. Shan't blog much.

Replies to tags;
Ting; Yea, I agree w you. Don't worry. (:
I'd made up my mind. Nothing's gonna change. I promise.

Mardy; Thanks girl, aye you sweet lil girl.
See you in school soon. & I'd heard from Irwin th surprise bday pressie hah (:

Hazel; Loveaye! I'm fine.. It's you whose not =/
Well, cheer up. I'd made up my mind so don't worry k?

Walked out.

2008-03-12T21:45:00.000-07:00

I'd finally freed myself from all the false hope. Yes, we really really ended.
Now, it won't really bother me lookin' you callin' her darling. It's nothin'.
I'm sick of all th empty promises. I'm sick of cryin' & shoutin'.
I'd realised, it'll just bring me no where.
Maybe everything you said was true.
We didn't know each other well, th promises made wouldn't be kept.
Yesterday, would be the last time I got fed up because of you.
Yesterday, would be the last time I shed tears because of you.
I'd given up, I had enough of false hopes.
Now that I realised, I'm really nothing to you.
Yea, you were sad when we broke up, but after we'd broken up, I'm nothing but just an acquaintance. Nothing else.
I couldn't understand why are you so selfish.
I could give up everything, and try my best satisfyin' you. But did you put in any single effort?
I'm sick of it. It supposed to be a two party matter.
You aren't doing anything, you know all your faults.
But you ain't makin' a freaking bloody effort to apologise.
You just lead things on, on & on.
I'm sick of you. You wanna be acquaintance? Fine, from now on, you will just be an acquaintance of mine.
Friends, I'd gave up. You won't see me cry no longer.
& surprisingly, no tears from me when I'm posting this post.
Yes, it did hurt. But, I'm used to it.
Just let the wound bleed, just bleed.

blank

2008-03-11T04:28:00.000-07:00

He must be thinking,"That crazy girl again."
I'm sorry to be so irritating, I couldn't help it.
I'm sorry to those whom I'd let down because of him.
I'm sorry to him for doing what I did.
I didn't wanted everything to be like that.
Find me an average boyfriend. Share with me nice songs.
That's all. I just want a very simple relationship.
Is it that difficult?
Why can people be so sweet. I can make sacrifices also can't I?
Why am I crying, why am I so silly.
Han, stop it. The world don't only contain you.
You weigh the same as other people. Stop thinking that you're so much better.
No, you aren't. Everybody's life is gonna go on like how it used to be with or without you.
You are nothing.
Sorry for being complacent, stucked up, noisy, retarded.
I'm just a average girl. Maybe it isn't him who don't deserve me.. maybe it's me who doesn't deserve him.
I wanna give up. May I?
Things are... Fuck.
I don't wanna be bad. I don't wanna stop him.
I want him to stop me.. Because I doesn't have any rights to stop him.
He can go ahead calling every single girl darling.
Boy, because of you I'd forgotten completely bout my pride.
Yes, I'm a bitch. I'm desperate. SO what?
I care bout my pride no more.
I just want him. Don't snatch him away will you?
Argh, I'm really not in the right state of mind..
Tears are suddenly flowing.
I told myself, I don't need him.
No, that's not true.. Maybe this is just retribution from people whom I'd mistreat in the past.
Ya, I deserve this punishment.
Fucking leave me alone.

2008-03-10T07:27:00.000-07:00

Aye, I hate being sick.
woke up early in the morning coughing & coughing like fuck.
Okay, wasn't really a good day.
Went to take the effin' retarded retest then went for oral after that.
Eh, I'm gonna flunk again haha.
Oookay, straight after that went Lot 1 for breakfast & met win & mard.
loveeeeeee (:
Okay, the fucking que was like effin' damn long. was STARVING. but anyway, gotten big breakfast hehee (:
year, we're like bitching in mac. Watching the No promises Mv, gosh, I'm sooo sad.
&&; everyone's like dating me out this week.
Gosh, I felt sooo loved. =x
Friday is booked for buddies.
Tues, Irwin's birthday ~
Wed, Derick wanted to meet me.
Thurs, it's for Keith sweetie.
Aye, BOOKED.
Okay, go back to my rantings about today.
I hate GOP! really really hate him.
If it's not for the fucking presents, I won't fucking bear with him.
Okay, I'm sorry for being so materilistic but I'm just getting what I think I deserved.
Okay, planned out so many stupid nonsense & went home to change and bathe.
Had very simple make up and rushed out.
Aye, met them and we're like crapping again. haa (:
Lazy to go into details.
Just that I'd bout 3 perfume and a shoe and........ a skinny.
Yup, shopping day. Gosh, I'm so shag.
& I miss you sayang x33
I love my naughty si mong =x

Fruday's night out ;D

2008-03-07T10:36:00.000-08:00

My sore throat's condition is getting worse.
Sigh, I talk like a man now. Don't bother calling me to chit-chat. ):
Morning woke up w that effin' dryness and pain feeling down my throat..
Argh, my mind's swirling..
Really rushed to school, rushed.
I was sweating all over, but shivering down my body when I reached school.
Damn effin' tired. Started the paper at approx 0800, the first paper was fine..
Then, soon, 1045, for another paper.
Read th questions wrongly & scribbled everything down.
Argh, was so bored, went Lot 1 w Irwin after that.
Had Brunch and chatted awhile.
Ha, we were like laughing at every single thing.
Went Body Shop later. Spend hell lot of money in body shop nowadays.
70 bucks gone ): Brought Irwin a birthday pressie, glad that he liked it ;D
Okay, went Bus Interchange & sat down and talk.
This woman there was wearing hot pink, carrying her huge tons of fats walking so proudly.
It was self esteem that boost her up.
Irwin was like asking me why was she so proud when she's like so fat.
I replied," cause at least someone noticed her, like you! LOL "
And we burst into laughter again. Soon, took a bus and went home.
Prepared myself and went bunk.
Everyone saw me & they were like,"Howcome you suddenly so dark?!"
I guess it's th new blusher that caused me like that.
Was feeling kinda emo, cause felt the guilt of breaking my promise to drugs.
I'm sorry kay, forgive me... ><
Went to Mac w tou & went home w Simon& friends.
They were like running for th last train & th rest of us followed.
Just as we know.. there's 11 mins more & they were like laughing their ass off at us.
Okay, I know I'm stupid kay.
Simon teased me again on train. Just a lil' bit of teasing (:
Then was getting really sleepy, & came across this Article in Reader's Digest.
This woman driving a red Honda Civic went to a high way exit, driving a opposite direction at a extremely fast speed. & just when the Family in Ford realised, they swifted to their right side.
However, the blue van behind them weren't that fortunate. They came crashing in to the Honda & flipped a few round before landing on the ground. The engine was on fire.
The dad from Ford ran forward trying to rescue them. & after resueing 4 suvivors, he went back to the van to make check if there's anyone else there. He didn't hear any cries, neither did he see anyone. Hnce, left.
Sad to say, there's still a 46 years old lady, the mum of the 4 suvivors. She'd died. The poor child was all so miserable.

The lady in the red Honda passed away too. No one knew the reason.
No one knew why..
They found scripts, lyrics of a rock music.
"you were just too busy with yourself.
You never had time to listen what I wanted to express."
This might be the cause of the tragic.

Alighted at Admiralty as the train ends at Kranji.
Went Posb w sayang, He held my back directing me to walk. It felt nice..
Then, I was hungry, stomache growling for food.
Saw the mac, Sayang stopped me, not allowing me to eat that.
Then he said he wanted to go 7-11 to buy drink & hinted us to follow
The silly 3 of us followed him. Then I said I wanna drink Orange juice he was acting like my dad stopping me from drinking, took the cooling water or something for me..
Never mind, after that I wanted to eat Mac so I told him, we shall head back to mac.
He stopped me again, he forced me to buy sandwich.
Okay bought the food reluctantly.. Went out. & upon looking at me coughing.
He forced me to drink that bottle of water, in one shot.
I was so full after that bottle. Started on the sandwiches.
Ate the first one. & was really feeling bloated, hand the 2nd one to sayang..
He was muching and all of th sudden he stopped and offered me a bite of it.
I declined it & he forced me again.. ):
I gave an excuse of not sharing cause of my sore throat. He just peel a small piece and feed it into my mouth. That silly boy..
It was sweet. I missed him.
Well, I guess maybe he does this to every single one of his friend?
(: couldn't careless.
I just need sleep. Good night guys
& thanks for everything sayang. x3

Sickly

2008-03-05T22:05:00.000-08:00

Fuck this throat infection. It's like eating up my throat, gave me stupid headaches & furthermore the weather nowadays ain't helping.
Woke up in th middle of th night at 4.06am written on my mobile.
I was shivering. It's effin' cold.. Trying to get myself to sleep so that I could have enough sleep for th upcoming papers. Suck.
Tremble and rolled on my bed trying to fall asleep, fnally gotten asleep around 15mins later.
Woke up at 6 plus shivering still, didn't really wanted to swallow saliva, it was hurting.
Didn't wanted to miss two paper hence gotten myself ready and went to school.
The day was gloomy. Dark & cold.. The floor wass like piece of ice piercing into my body.
reached school didn't had enough time to complete my revision..
Took the first paper. Didn't really studied for the 1st question so just anyhow scribble down some points hoping that marks would be awarded. Then wrote a full page of essay for the second question. Hope I'll pass (:
After th paper, I wasssssss feelingg so damn cold. Went to call mummy to pick me up.
Rah, went back home and sleep. slept till near 2 went to see th doctor. Yea, throat infection suck __
Okay, played piano. Wow, it's like damn dusty haven't been touching it for months.
Felt so much more better now.
Thanks for the concerns guys ;D

& Pete, give me time alright? Everything's too soon...

Sighers.

2008-03-05T08:54:00.000-08:00

Sayang, aku rindu kau.
Things had changed, I;d lost enough.
I don't wanna lose anymore, I'm sorry that I got too emotional.
I was just depressed.

Sickly, pale girl. I'm suffering from the diseases of fever. Argh, get away.
Stressed from work, studies. Tests tomorrow. Wish me luck, or maybe, pray for the better.
Aye, the sickness is getting me nowhere. I need sleep.

Nic, I'm sorry alright. Don't be so petty lah. I just hate to see quarrels.. ):
Forgive me alright? =/

Woo, thanks Keith for listening to my whinings almost everyday, remember our movie date alright? ;D

Things are fine, friends kept coming. W/o you guys, I won't be who I am now (:
Tryin' hard to cope with studies.. & family too.

Sayang called. I missed him. It was like, my heart skipped abit when I saw his name on th small lil screen of my mobile. I rubbed my eyes cause was kinda shocked to receive his call eh.
Chatted for a moment, glad to know that he's fine. (: No matter what you do, I'll do my best to help & support. I missed him teasing me, thou he still does.. Really hope to see him on friday, I missed you sayang. Aye, I love listening to your laughter, it's always so cute ;D
Rest well, x33

I'm sorry once again, t lose my cool previously. Love you guys.
& it's because it reminded me too much of my pasts, it isn't that incident.
It's just the memories.. Sorry.

Good night x3

Flunk-ed

2008-03-04T23:35:00.000-08:00

Sigh, flunk flunk flunkkk ):
I'd love to be loved. (:
Who doesn't? However, for now there's only him.. Just him.
To say the truth, I don't like kids.
Trying to woo me wise, or.. Just kids. I don't like them.
Well, I'm so gonna flunk mathes (:
I seriously don't know why I can actually take 30mins to complete the whole paper when others are struggling. Well, 'COMPLETE' the whole paper.
I doubt I cant even get a quarter of the total score.
Stressed. Tired.
Have you ever stayed in your car, and just your car for 9 months?
Without bathing, with your luggages at the back seat, for 9 months..
She did, she wasn't able to find a job as she don't have an address.
Finally, someone helped her. (:
http://www.wanderingscribe.blogspot.com
True story. She's that kinda people who need help & care.

Hmm, was heard that when he told his friends about what happened during the chalet, he was really sad. Is he really affected? Sigh, haven't see or hear from him for days. I missed him.
Things wasn't that great.
Aren't coping with my studies well..
Mum, still the same. & because of her. My throat hurts like fuck now.
But anyway, I still love her :D

Guys, the zak.. I'm so sick. It's like can't you just say properly? Nevermind. Hope everything goes on smoothly (:

Tired lil girl. Sick. I miss him
aku rindu sayang.. sayang, talk to me alright? x33

Welcome back twin (:

2008-02-29T09:26:00.000-08:00

Firstly, welcome HanXiang back from india (:
Don't leave s'pore already okay? Everyone misses you sosoosoooo badly ):
Now that I'd no more burdens, I'd concentrate everything on my studies (:
Studying hard tho I skipped school =x
Okay, things were fine today.. Was late again. zz
I'm tryin' hard to wake up kay, stop calling me lazy bum.
Went to meet Thovan at Marina Sq after my daily routine.
Walked around, had lunch + dinner & he haven't buy anything. ):
Oh ya got my Birthday pressie, Big, huge strawberry w choc coating! Jealous eh? =/
Then went down bunk after that. & it's like damn big group lah, 30 people in total.
Rofl, can go riot-ing somemore w twin's big luggage, can keep parangs ROFL.
Went to eat & talked really really alot w hanx, I MISS YOU LAH TWIN (:
Coco was always by me.. Listening, thanks sweetie x3
Oh yea, talked to him. (: Satisfied..
Dinner was fine, though I didn't ate =x
Cabbed home w hanx while th others went...... ( I don't know where )
On th way home, talked bout our recent doings & stuff..
We're gettin' back like th old days aren't we? (:
Letting go, doesn't mean losing, you might just get back more that you'd expected or wanted.
Be optimistic, & I still love you Sayang.. (:
Picking up slowly, doing what I should do..
Really studied kay, & I guess I'm doing fine..
Mum's happy, & I'm pleased. Just like I'd just placate a child..
lovelovelovelovelove buddies&Schoolmates (:

;

2008-02-28T07:37:00.000-08:00

Yes, we spoke. I do miss you darling. (:
The few meetings were cancelled, & now that I haven't seen you for near one week. I really really missed your smell, your hug, your kiss, you warmth & your love.
Yes, it's hard but I gotta let go..
My heart's always with you, let me have faith with you alright?
I believe you'll get back to my side, just one day..
My misses had all changed to the energy to work. Pilling myself with work..
I do feel better. (:
Every single thing reminded me of you, I guess, I shouldn't hold on anymore.
The sacrifices made aren't getting me anywhere..
Good luck darling, I guess we'll really let nature take its course..
x33 Sayang. (:

English Lesson (:

2008-02-27T08:08:00.000-08:00

Guys, good news to announce! I'm feelin' better after the few days of sobbing & whining.. (:
I'd slowly picked myself up. Doin' what I should do. Han, great improvement (:
& I must thank all of you. x3 Dearest Irwin, mardy, coco, keith, cai, maomao, weisheng, manda etcetc. Comfort me & stand by me throughout. heh (:
See, I'm smilin & I love that Loreal shampoo! My hair's so soft now!
Okay, Look at th titile. It's English Lesson today. B'cause han have this habit of reading & reading her blog all over everytime hence this shall be my small English handbook, yea I know it's abit stupid but it's fun when you learn new words :D

Comeeeeee, a quiz for everyone x3

#1. Salacious ( sa LAY shus }
; I. Scornful ;II Lustful ;III Greedy ;IV Envious.

#2. Prissy ( pussy eh? =x )
; I. Upset ;II Timid ;III Humble ;IV Prim.

#3. Placate
; I. To jolly along ;II Calm down ;III Enthral ;IV Please.

~
~
~
Answers :D

#1. Salacious ( sa LAY shus }
; I. Scornful ;II Lustful ;III Greedy ;IV Envious.

#2. Prissy ( pussy eh? =x )
; I. Upset ;II Timid ;III Humble ;IV Prim.

#3. Placate
; I. To jolly along ;II Calm down ;III Enthral ;IV Please.

& Lustful; lecherous; lewd
& Prim; Fussily respectable
& placate; pacify; appease

Ding donggg ~ Boys & girls good bye. :D
SLEEP -

Tried; 1

2008-02-26T04:59:00.000-08:00

This is the first day that I'd really really tried, yes it's tough.
When I woke up in the morning. I'd realised, I'm late..
Well, I'm lazy, with swollen eyes & I'm really tired..
Hence, slept till 12 & that woman came in screaming and yelling. Okay, I know, but we all have reasons don't we? sigh. Woke up with cold sweat all over.. I don't know why, I guess I'm falling ill..
I tried not smsing him, and ended up I still did.. I really missed him that's why..
Darling, why is it so that you didn't wanna reply me.. Everyday replying my texts seemed like a chore to you. Sigh, why..
Darling, I missed you. Tears can't help but fall.. I love you.
Nic & Corn both proposed.. I'm so envy, why is it that people can be loved but I can't?
Sigh, maybe I'm just not deserved to be love..
I'm fine, life'll still go on.
& sorry for being so complacent the past. I'd changed.
Rihanna - Cry, A song to describe my feelings.

I'm not the type to get my heart broken,
I'm not the type to get upset and cry,
'Cause I never leave my heart open,
Never hurts me to say goodbye,
Relationships don't get deep to me,
Never got the whole in love thing,
And someone can say they love me truely,
But at the time it didn't mean a thing.
My mind is gone,
I'm spinnin' round,
And deep inside,
My tears I'll drown,
I'm losin' grip,
What's happenin'?
I stray from love,
This is how I feel.
This time was different,
Felt like I was just a victim,
And it cut me like a knife,
When you walked out of my life,
Now I'm in this condition,
And I've got all the symptoms,
Of a girl with a broken heart,
But no matter what you'll never see me cry.
Did it happen when we first kissed?
'Cause it's hurtin' me to let it go,
Maybe 'cause we spent so much time,
And I know that it's no more,
I shoulda never let you hold me baby,
Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart,
I didn't give to you on purpose,
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart.
My mind is gone,
I'm spinnin' round,
And deep inside,
My tears I'll drown,
I'm losin' grip,What's happenin'?
I stray from love,
This is how I feel.
This time was different,
Felt like I was just a victim,
And it cut me like a knife,
When you walked out of my life,
Now I'm in this condition,
And I've got all the symptoms,
Of a girl with a broken heart,
But no matter what you'll never see me cry.
How did I get here with you I'll never know,
I never meant to let it get so personal,
And After all I tried to do,
Stay away from lovin' you,
I'm broken hearted,
I can't let you know,
And I won't let it show,
You won't see me cry.
This time was different,
Felt like I was just a victim,
And it cut me like a knife,
When you walked out of my life,
Now I'm in this condition,
And I've got all the symptoms,
Of a girl with a broken heart,
But no matter what you'll never see me cry.
This time was different,
Felt like I was just a victim,
And it cut me like a knife,
When you walked out of my life,
Now I'm in this condition,
And I've got all the symptoms,
Of a girl with a broken heart,
But no matter what you'll never see me cry.
All my life...

Abandoned-

2008-02-25T07:20:00.000-08:00

Remember those times when we were together, I held on to your face. Looking deep into your eyes, you knew I'd loved you, we used to be so sweet, so close.. & then you left me. Left me alone facing the cruelty of the reality. You're leaving me..
I'd tried dear, I'd really tried to stop things. Everything you're doing is hurting me. How could you be so fine, leading your life on like it doesn't affect you at all? Is there me in your heart? Or is it that I'd never existed.
Everything you'd said I'd remembered it straight down my memory. Because you just matter that much. Darling, when you're out there, I'm crying in misery.
I'd never thought of getting hurt, I'm just too pampered, the complacent girl.
Never to expect getting hurt like this. Why is it so? Yes true, I'm difficult to understand, I refrained myself from being open to all of you. Because I'm afraid of getting hurt, I'm afraid to show the real me.. Till I'd met you. Darling, you're my everything. I gave up almost every single thing for you. But you haven't even start to appreciate me and everything just ended.
Yes buddies, it's just sucha short period of time but why am I getting so miserable over it? Because I did my best.. There's nothing such as " commit too much " because you'd do everything you could for the person you love. Remember the time when you lied on my laps. and how I gently stroked my lil fingers on to your face.. It feels so nice.. & slowly. we kissed and hugged. It felt real warm. Darling, I was really very open to you. Because you were my everything. Till that day when you shoved my arms off you. It really did hurt. Darling, why are you ignoring me.. why didn't you talk to me? I know I'm the cause of the whole incident, but do I really deserve this? I'd told myself not to let this affect me, but it's seriously impossible. I'm living in agony.. Crying myself to sleep, finding someone to talk to the whole time.. I'm afraid of being lonely.. I want you.
Yes, he dont deserve that humiliation. but do I deserve this treatment from you? I can't control my feelings anymore. I'm sorry, I really wanna give up and stop pestering you. But I can't I'm missing you the whole day, with no appetite, I feel so weak, I feel like I'm drifting apart from my soul. It's so miserable. It's difficult to fake a facade. No matter how hard I tried, they would find out that I'm trying to hide. Why is it so? I really hate this. C'mon stand up han, you silly girl. Why.. why so stupid, why so silly. Why are you suddenly so vulnerable? Why are you crying, Hold back your tears.. Simon, I love you.