You never looked so goodas you did last night, underneath the city lights. ♥ ♥ ♥ |
Baby, i'll find a way to shine just for you. ♥ ♥ ♥ |
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Thursday, May 22, 2008--Rashes; suck dey. Alright; nothing much today. Just feel like blogging.. Just suddenly, these few days, I missed him like hell. I've got seriously no idea, but.. I just missed him. Today, was supposed to be out. But aye, those effin' rashes. Stayed at home the whole day, thanks to Gibson who accompanied me throughout. :D I've been acting crazy, screaming on the phone, rolling on the bed. Really really didn't have the mood to do anything. I miss him. Pei pei.. Where are you. How have you been, are you alright? Or are you with her.. Enjoying yourself.. I wanna know the truth just so much.. However, I dont wanna irritate you. There's just a simple question for you. I really wanna know if there's me. I need someone, suitable. Monday, May 19, 2008Gotten rid of ; --My life was in a mess for the past month. Everything came crashing down. Peiwei, I'm finally leaving you for good sake & do really take care of yourself, and her.. 17th April' 08 The day where you gave me a surprise call, the day where everything started.. 18th April'08 You guys broke up.. 19th April' 08 ~ 22nd April' 08 Those days where you gave me your support & accompany, the best moments. I dont wanna go on what happened after that, I'll never forget; 22nd April'08. Yes, Never will I forget. Everything you did to me, everything you'd said. Though, everything just started & ended so soon. On your impulse. I do really love & enjoy those times with you. I cant deny the fact that I still do miss him. However, it'll not affect my life anymore. A clean break, finally. Mummy, trying hard to earn back those trusts. Trying hard.. To be the perfect daughter she wanted. Friends, thanks to all whom'd gave me support throughout. I love you guys. (: Joe, be sure of your decisions my dear.. I don't want you to end up regretting. Yes, I'm stupid at times, trying so hard to satisfy people, giving without taking. But, well.. I dont expect any returns. Treat it as Im doing a favour for them. (: Friday, May 16, 2008Nonsense.Lol, today was a uber tiring day. Oh yea, th previous post was after quarrelling with my mum. & can't really get to sleep.. till near 3am. Was on phone w Gibson, thanks dude! ;D Cried, joked, crapped with him for 3 whole hours. Mummy came back & I guess forgave me this morning (: Alright, I didn't go t school luh. but SO? ;X However, I went t th parliment house, hence reached school at errr, 1pm? LOL Miss Zarina was like, "Shihan?! You wasn't late, were you? You just reached school?" I smiled and nodded my head, ROFL ;D Okay, th bus trip was.. fine. just crapped around w winz. I seriously don't know whats wrong w my classmates, so noisy. Aye, I can't stand childish acts anymore ;( & We sat at th parliment hall, Someoneeee was sitting beside me & HE SERIOUSLY STINKS! Okay, bitched around & head back t school. After that, went Lot 1 for my breakfast + lunch + dinner, saw Garfield whom just pierced his ears. Tempted to squeezeeee his ears ;X So cute luh he. Went home after myself buying alot alot alot of pens. heh ;D Alright, reached home pooped & stuff. After that went t her blog, aye. I can't be bothered anymore. But why is she so contradicting? She wanna get out of this love triangel & she's calling him dear? LOL, like STUPID. Then, called me a slut? I don't mind anyone calling me a slut but her. I mean, what rights does she have to call me a slut? Isn't she worse off? ;D Aye, Makii eh? Laughs * Kid ;DD Anw, can't be bothered, not gonna go out today, but keep my beloved granny accompany (: <3 Thursday, May 15, 2008Put aside-From today onwards, I'm gonna do what I wanna do, and what I think I'm doing right. Yes, I'm confused. I'm lost. Mum's leaving to granny's place. Because of everything I'd said. Since she'd already said, she won't be bothered by me anymore, fine. Leave then, I'm too sick and tired of satisfying you. I'm sure I'll be fine, alone, without all your rantings and naggings. I don't know what I'm doing.. But I'm sure I'll be fine. Yes, leave me, everyone leave. Just leave, since I'm near invisible to you guys. I'm just gonna do finish what I'm supposed to do in school, find a job. & promise myself to study well next term. I'm sorry, but you'd always refused to listen to all the explanations & since, the trust is no longer there, fine. I'm just a big fat liar, who doesn't care about my family, and only care about my friends. Yea, the tears that I'd cried isn't for you but for him. Peiwei, you glad to see me like that? You'd ruined me totally. I'm sure you must be laughing your ass off behind the screens. I don't know what I'm doing.. I'm really confused. Everything just came crashing down. I feel like.. ending everything now. Vanished -Utterly disappointed. What's the point of lying and ends up apologising? Ha, back to her yea? Be happy then (: If you ever think, a girl like her, will suit you then go for it. I don't care anymore, well, I'm utterly disappointed. Can't believe that you could lie to evey single one. Ha, how could we put our trust in you anymore? Well, maybe they can.. but not me.. Not anymore. Moving on.. Moving on well.. (: Tuesday, May 6, 2008Th love; cant be compared.I'd read her blog.. I guess you'd told her stuffs that hurt her. Maybe as much as me. I've got no idea what's going on on your mind. I wanna know.. Tell me will you? I won't pester you, really. Alright? I'll leave you alone, I don't hate you, really. I will never, ever hate you. You just meant so much. I know the love for you will never fade, maybe her's too. I'm not trying to compare. But I really feel so sorry that I'd been a burden. I believe, those stuffs that she'd did, everything she'd sacrificed isn't lesser than me. Hence, you felt guilty. I understand, promise, to tell me when times are better. I won't rush you, neither will I force you. Okay? I loveyou. Picking up.Woooo, pure Biology suck big timee. & I'm so gonna flunk it, lol. Slept for whole half & hour & among the essay part I did a short, maybe 6 sentence long paragragh? haaaaaaa, so gonna flunk. ;( Mood's better, though I'd still cried. Stop crying, it won't bring him back. I'd shopped & 100 bucks gone. Listened to MAOMAO <3 Stopstopstopppp spending! if not im gonna die of starvation LOL. Mummy said, " Eh, my daughter also not ugly what, he dont want you, I dont believe guys out there wouldnt want you! " Ha, thanks mum <33 That day I couldn't help it, was just so sad.. I'd told her not to speak, not to scold, not to make any comments, just advices.. & if can, pure listening.. I'd told her every single thing that had happened between us.. Wpw. that conversation lasts us for 2 hours.. Thanks for those ears from numeral friends. You guys were a great help.. Especially BENdan, feifei, MAOMAO, Irwin, Mardy, Gibson & Amandaaaaa. Thanks guys! ^^ but seriously, sometimes I do find myself irritating thou, kept repeating, but that is girl's nature what! :( Now that I felt better... Thanks for understanding & sorry for those effin' attitude. Thanks for those encouraging words.. I guess, I would give him some time, for him to think of stuffs, and maybe make some decisions. Give him some space to breathe too.. Every single thing I did reminds me of him. everysingle words I'd said reminds me of him too.. How I wish, that time would just stay there, with him, lying on my laps, sitting on the seaside, listening to his stories, and mine.. I felt real peace. & now that I'd realised I'd grown into a dependent, stubborn girl.. I need to change. I shouldn't be that dependent, on family, friends, nor him.. I'll just add up to their burden, having them to worry bout me. Im so sorry guys. Now that I feel better, I hope tomorrow will be a better day.. Not having myself to think, to bother.. Just trying to finish up all my papers. & do what I'd planned and thought of doing with him. Well, now, I guess I have to do it alone.. Peiwei, I'd changed your contact name because, I wouldn't remind myself of those memories with you. Although, it was real short, time spent with you was great. Thanks for those times.. I guess I'll really leave you alone for a period. I'll always be there supporting, believe me please. I love you, I really do. Don't let me be an extra burden to you.. I'm sorry for those emotional times, where I'd cried & spoke to you, so unreasonably. I know you're just trying to be fair to everyone, not being selfish, I know and I'm trying hard to understand. Promise me never to hurt yourself. I'll be fine. <3 Monday, May 5, 2008-I seriously miss him. <3 Friday, May 2, 2008--I don't know what's happening. Thurseday, reached home at around 11. Upon texting him up, we were seriously talking about our relationship for the very first time. He feels guilty towards her. He wanna be alone and go ahead leading on his own life. Without me, nor her. I was confused, I didn't understand the reason. I tried lying to myself that everything'll be fine. It'll just gonna be awhile, after a good night sleep it'll be fine.. Then I told him that I'll be sleeping, & we'll talk about that tomorrow face to face when we meets up. I went to find chen, pouring out my sorrows. I held back my tears upon him ensuring me for countless times that everything'll be fine.. "He's just unsure, go sleep & tomorrow will be fine." I tried reading the texts of history in the notes. They all seemed like black bold line. I can't seemed to figure it out whats all that. Finally, I broke into tears, crying to myself. Then alex called, for a moment, I thought I'm fine since I'm talking to him normally, & the ache wasn't there. Then chen called, I could still laugh to his joke. I really thought I was fine. After hanging up, I light up a cigg and sat in the toilet, trying to figure out a reason & a solution. I thought, "maybe he was just confused, their relationship was unstable & since, han was there showing him love and care, he thought he loved her." Then, I tried to make myself to sleep, I turned & rowed. & did whatsoever that I could, for one hour.. I guess, I'm really tired, & finally fell asleep. Friday was th worse day ever. Waking up at 8, skipped the paper since I'm sick & I seriously couldn't remember any single shit. I went to prepare and stuff, till near 10, I went out, to visit a doctor. The clinic was packed, & the nurses' are seriously. WOLS; slow! After near one hour of waiting, I consulted th doctor, had my medicine, & due to their negligence they had printed my Mc wrongly, & she asked me to wait again. I sat down, texting chen, & finally after a bloody long ½ hour I finally got my Mc. Then, went to take train all the way to bedok. Ben actually asked me to call him upon reaching, but I didn't cause I got to know from chen that they reached home at around 6 in the morning. Didn't wanna disturb his sleep. Since, chen ends his school at 12.30 I'd decided to wait for him. I reached bedok at around 12 then waited and waited. till around 1, Yongwei came and kept me accompany till Chen called. Went to 56 to meet him, gosh, when he reached it's 2! I was teasing him all the way, trying to hint how long he took. Went to cf after that, slacked for awhile while waiting & I called him. He was sleepy, he said he'll be coming down so I waited. & waited. Upon reaching, he met up with Gib & went to get their pay together. Waited again, till around 6 then he came back. I was glad to see him, but we didn't talk much. He didn't really bother me. He was too busy with himself and his friend. finally till around midnight, he was worse. He totally, treat me as if I'm invisible. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I didn't know what was wrong. I wanted a talk with him. I asked him out, & we had a talk. I kept asking him countless of questions, I kept forcing him to speak. Finally he spoke. He asked " will you respect my decision? will you believe if I say I only love myself? " Then, " we shall be good friends alright? " I nodded my head. & started tearing. However strong I was, I'm still vulnerable deep down. Then I threw my temper, I didn't know why, I was so angry. Not at him, but myself. Throughout the whole relationship, whenever I'm angry, I'll be angry with myself. I know that's not very like me. I didn't know why either. I threw my phone upon the numeral calls made that seriously got up on my nerves. I continue crying.. & crying. He went to pick my phone back, telling me not to cry. Suddenly, I felt like I should just let him go since I'd promised to respect his desicions.. I wanted to take my phone from him, I gave him a smile to assure him that I'm fine, he knew I wasn't but how possible could I be fine? I didn't care much, I went to cf and got my bag and just walk across the road, telling him that I'll go home alone. He didn't want. He said we'll be back together. I told him, I'm fine. I'm really fine.. I just wanna be alone. I didn't wanna cab home, I just wanna be alone. He asked me not to be like this, I told him I'll be fine, I'll go home after that. He didn't allowed me to. Then, I wanted to get my card & leave after that, I said I'll be at the bustop waiting for him, he was so worried. He brought me over to get my card. After getting my card, I called home & had a fucking big quarrel with that unreasonable woman. I don't bloody understand why can't she just bloody give me some space for my own. I'm sick & tired of being the puppet of everyone, doing things for people around me, faking that stupid fucking smile & act like Im-So-Mean, & as if nothing bloody fucking hurts me. For 3 whole year, I had been doing that & I only turn in to a few people when I'm seriously down. That's what I'd been doing. I'm so sick of it. Upon the call, he hugged me and tell me we'll be fine. Telling me that.. we'll be together. I'd just alt tabbed to Msn, his nick was no longer the same. Peiwei, I think we shall be friends. I don't wanna see you like that, I don't wanna force you. I know you don't wanna see me like that, I promise I'll be fine kay? Don't hurt yourself silly. Don't worry about me, I'm a big girl. go ahead lead your own life & remember never to hurt yourself. I'm sorry to be unreasonable at times. I'm really fine, I'll let go. |
HAN;
0409 Moving on. Dependent Hostile <3
SMU; Pink Havainas White Num Bag Gucci wallet Fragrance Princess by Vera Wang Flower by Kenzo Gucci -- The Hulk It's a Boy Girl thing Money return This week's timetable Slack 19/08/08; Tuesday School; Horntail School; Extra Lessons! 21/08/08; Thursday School; Gym 22/08/08; Friday School; Bunk 23/08/08; Saturday - 24/08/08; Sunday - Leave me somethin' affiliates
Bengified; versionLex Mard Ting Jas Hooda Shawn Harris Ysabel Thaqif Cassy Shadow Diana Yong kian Michelle :D Senki Jolene blabla blabla Layout & Graphics: Hilary You used to tell me; My Not So Secret Lives endinghere Give it t youuuu ;Dhere Closed;here It'll never be happy.here It's no longer a happy birthday..here ahahahahahahaha;Just reached home <3Started talkin...here Somehow, just dont feel like sleeping; 1;40am.Just...here " Somehow, it sucks to see you leading on fine. "y...here STUDDDYYY!here ;TiredNow playing -- Kidnap my heartStudy Study St...here Archives February 2008 memoirs March 2008 memoirs April 2008 memoirs May 2008 memoirs June 2008 memoirs July 2008 memoirs August 2008 memoirs September 2008 memoirs March 2009 memoirs Music! |
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